If he decides to love me

And I’m writing again. No longer because I don’t know what I’m feeling, rather because I feel too much that I can’t find any other way but to write them out.

 

If he decides to love me…

If he decides to love me, I will judge his looks.

I will look through his body, each flaw that I may find.

I will scrutinize his waist line, his grooming and eating habits.

I will know where, what and how he indulges himself.

 

I will know about his childhood life, and judge where he lived, had lived and is living.

I will ask about his parents, his siblings, even his pet.

 

I will ask about his dreams, goals and career in life.

I will ask about his High School, his college life.

I will know his grades, his performance in school.

I will probe his actions of today and ask how he thinks it would affect his future.

 

I will know about his interest, his passion and what keeps him going every single morning.

I will ask about his beliefs, his religion and his practice.

I will know more about him, and scrutinize every detail that I may find.

 

Because if he decides to love me, I want to know the looks he has when he is mad, sad, or burdened. That I may be able to discern his feelings inside; that I may be able to caress him the way he’s supposed to be treated.

 

I will look through his body, each flaw that I may find.

Because I want to know if he is healthy and would be able to be there when we decide to grow and nurture a family.

 

I will scrutinize his waist line, his grooming and eating habits.

                I will know where, what and how he indulges himself.

Because I want to be a partner who cares; be there to prepare his healthy meal, which he enjoys. I want to know how he prefers to relax and have fun, that we both may never lose identity of who we are before the relationship. I want to know and feel what is ‘comfort for him’.

 

I will know about his childhood life, and judge where he lived, had lived and is living.

Because I want to understand where his perspective in life is coming from…

 

I will ask about his parents, his siblings, even his pet.

Because I want to complement his language of love, that I may be able to appreciate his form of expressing it.

 

I will ask about his dreams, goals and career in life.

                I will know about his interest, his passion and what keeps him going every single morning.

Because if he decides to love me, it’s his dreams, goals and career which will drive our relationship; the priorities we’ll choose, the sacrifices we’ll give for each other, just so we both could grow and move forward our dreams, without growing apart. Just so we could share and support.

 

I will ask about his High School, his college life.

Because this is where he met most of the people he values too in life, other than his family. That I may be able to accept them and feel comfortable knowing he is in good company of people; that I would have the ease of heart of trusting them too.

 

I will probe his actions of today and ask how he thinks it would affect his future.

Because I want to know if he’s a man with vision, with plan; I want to know if he’s someone I could trust to share my life with.

 

I will ask about his beliefs, his religion and his practice.

Because if he decides to love me, it’s my faith that he decides to be with too; it’s his beliefs and mine which we’ll have to bend just to meet and respect.

 

I will know more about him, and scrutinize every detail that I may find.

Because if he decides to love me, I will never love him less than he deserves. I want to love him without holding back for reasons I have decided to accept from the start. I want him to feel accepted, appreciated and respected for who he is, for what he does and who he would become, when a “he + she” becomes an “us”.

Because if he decides to love me, it’s a partnership that we would build, bound by strong faith to grow, to nurture and be the best person for each other.

 

Because if he decides to love me, I want and I hope that I will make it right, that we both will make it right. That may each hug is never just two arms, but two enveloping fence of love, that binds, that protects, that makes you feel safe; that may each kiss, be more than just two lips locking, but of two lips committing to loyalty, fidelity and faith; that any physical intimacy is never just a plain thirst for personal satisfaction, but of two people uniting, to abide, to love and to be better children of God.

 

Yet, this is only IF… he decides to love me.

01.Apr.2016

 

  1. April fools is it?

…. Too much pending work. Haha

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